My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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