if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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