I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
