You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
