why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
