So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a search helicopter?!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
