Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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