help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
