no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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