Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
