It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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