I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
