I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she peed on how many people?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
