hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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