He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
