ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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