i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
