If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm bleeding and have questions
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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