Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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