Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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