haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
