Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
