i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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