I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
