i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
