so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
