k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just want nice things and good sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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