I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Enjoy the penises
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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