I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Come see our sink grown plant.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
