my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize