somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
