He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
