On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
