sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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