It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
These tits shall not be calmed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
