Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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