Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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