...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
