i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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