wat bout pragnant strippers??
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
