We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sext me about skeletons
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
