Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
