Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize