I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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