After last night, I could never be a politician.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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