he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My ATM looks so different sober.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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