she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
