He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
