The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize