PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
