If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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