He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
