I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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