What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize