There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I checked into jail on foursquare
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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