did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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