i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
