I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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