it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
