I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
