great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you inspire me to be a worse person
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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