I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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