I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
