You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize