So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
