I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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