It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I need to sanitize my soul.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
