He is such a slut. More and more my type.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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