were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
