I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we're making bets on your personal life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We just shotgunned beers for America
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
