Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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