if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
