he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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