hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
