it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
