you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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