Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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