Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
