What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
