this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
