I smell stomach acid.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
