you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
