all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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