I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
