we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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