i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize