I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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