U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
