And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
