I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
