I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
