i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize