As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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