I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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