so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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