Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
