Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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