I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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