I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
