you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
