I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ketchup is God's man juice
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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