I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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